Look, it was really quite dull waiting to be called into the jury room two weeks ago. So forgive me for this. When the big document comes out, please read that instead; it has graphs too.
The ballad of Mervyn's shovel A year ago the credit crunch had reached its grim nadir The economy in freefall, money markets gripped by fear The FTSE tumbled every day, banks tottered left and right Making factories stand silent, and our currency take fright. The only shop with customers was called JobCentre Plus And the truly self deluded begged Beijing to rescue us Loud sobs were heard in Downing Street: "There's no more cash to spend Without the government buying things, this surely is the end - - we've shot our final bolt, and interest rates can fall no more" ... when knocked the Bank of England Governor, with a shovel, on the door. Behind him, spewing green stuff, steamed a money printing press and he smirked "I've got the very thing to save us from this mess" Both the Chancellor's mighty eyebrows took a leap towards the ceiling The money flooding out gave him that 'Denis Healey' feeling. "Infla..." he checked himself. "Guv'nor, I'm rather disappointed" "To inflate away our troubles wasn't why you were annointed" But the Guv'nor mollified with words like "money multiply" till the Chancellor signed the letter with a wary, weary sigh. All year the money flooded out. At first you couldn't tell Though the Chancellor's many IOU's have never sold so well Then the City caught a handful of this newly-printed stuff so that bonds, shares and derivatives, and such financial fluff, began to rocket skywards, making City spivs seem clever And they paid themselves as if it came just from their own endeavour. But despite the Govnor's shovel, money doesn't multiply Because it's being shovelled far from where the problems lie. You see, the Lady of Threadneedle Street's a curious kind of prude Who'll debauch herself on public debt, but think it beastly crude to grant her money favours in the world of private credit Even though a loss is still a loss, not matter what risk bred it. And so this money flood, that sometimes seemed to be unending Stayed trapped within the City world. The banks were still not lending: To businessman or householder, this 'quantitiative easing' - that's meant to fill the world with cash - is monetary teasing. You read about it, see it, but like smoke upon the air you say "Well I'd like some of that", reach out - but it's not there. It's great if you have art to sell. Or some fine London pad. But if you're poor and need the cash, there's nothing to be had. It's great if you've a bunch of shares - for those already wealthy, the year since what they call 'QE' has been quite nice and healthy. But surely this was not the point. Why do this money printing just to help those lucky sorts that hardly need such extra minting?
UPDATE: Paul Cotterill has formalised the poetry competition on QE here. And extra points will be awarded for anyone including a discussion of the pound sterling, as mentioned on John Redwood’s blog, and how it has in fact risen by 10% against the dollar since QE began . . .
Posted by tim leunig on February 8, 2010 at 11:33 am
And the winner of this year’s William McGonagall award goes to Giles Wilkes!
Posted by paulinlancs on February 8, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Brilliant. Blogspot of the year to date.
QE in 32 words (class-based version)
There’s this bloke who runs England’s Bank.
He saw the economy starting to tank.
So he doled out the dosh
To those who are posh,
And they used it to maintain their rank.
This could run and run.
Posted by paulinlancs on February 8, 2010 at 12:49 pm
On reflection, I prefer
So he doled out more dosh
To those already awash
Posted by freethinkingeconomist on February 8, 2010 at 12:56 pm
Excellent! I hereby announce a free copy of the publication to the best limerick expressing the distributional unfairness of the Bank’s monetary stance . . .. spread the word
Two free copies to the rest . . .
Paul, thanks for making my day.
Posted by QE poetry competition announced « Though Cowards Flinch on February 8, 2010 at 12:57 pm
[...] February 8, 2010 paulinlancs Leave a comment Go to comments Giles has a quite brilliant poem about Quantitative Easing and continued constraints on lending. This is quite a feat. Go [...]
Posted by JonnyRed on February 8, 2010 at 12:57 pm
QE as a haiku.
The Bank of England
Prints money for rich people,
Big business and banks.
Posted by freethinkingeconomist on February 8, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Now I feel positively uneconomical with words . . . and that is before the 20,000 word monster comes out. Respect.
Posted by paulinlancs on February 8, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Giles
Competition started over at TCF. Can be run in parallel though. Have taken position as main judge but you can be expert advisor.
Posted by Tweets that mention QE in 462 words: the ballad of Mervyn’s shovel « Freethinking Economist -- Topsy.com on February 8, 2010 at 1:04 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Paul Cotterill, Jonathan Lintern. Jonathan Lintern said: RT: @BickerRecord: Blogpost of the year to date. No doubt about it http://tinyurl.com/yerofae [...]
Posted by Tom Freeman on February 8, 2010 at 11:57 pm
Giles, this is a fantastic piece of work. Here’s my stab at a limerick:
The Old Lady was most displeased
That credit was painfully squeezed
She made billions from nought
And yet I must report
My own bank balance is uneased
And I’ve also, for nothing resembling a good reason, tried a longer poem. Hardly compares to yours, though!
Posted by freethinkingeconomist on February 9, 2010 at 8:32 am
Tom, that is BRILLIANT, tears of laughter here. I’m going to have to write a new post to draw attention to it.
Paul C, extend the competition to Friday. This one has a new winner in the lead….
Posted by If you read anything today, read this by Tom Freeman « Freethinking Economist on February 9, 2010 at 9:13 am
[...] My effort has clearly sucked productive effort away from the real economy; good. There are surely more people out there who like rhyme, meter and political economy – step on up. Extra marks to anyone who explains how stock and flow interact, as described on Ed Conway’s blog. [...]
Posted by Poems for our time | FTdotcomment | FT.com on February 11, 2010 at 3:45 pm
[...] Wilkes on QE: Both the Chancellor’s mighty eyebrows took a leap towards the ceiling The money flooding out gave him that ‘Denis Healey’ feeling “Infla…” he checked himself. “Guv’nor, I’m rather disappointed” “To inflate away our troubles wasn’t why you were annointed” But the Guv’nor mollified with words like “money multiply” till the Chancellor signed the letter with a wary, weary sigh. [...]
Posted by If the Bank is worried, why is it closing down the Special Liquidity Scheme? « Freethinking Economist on February 23, 2010 at 10:08 pm
[...] In my doggerel about QE, I quipped: [...]
Posted by Breaking news: GDP revised down « Freethinking Economist on February 26, 2010 at 6:21 pm
[...] and now FT Alphaville are joining the QE poetry game. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Miserabilism: the Cato Institute doing my job [...]